Fake it like you mean it

  Today I attempted  went lap swimming at the gym. Whoever said "Fake it like you mean it" has never tried to swim laps. And if they had they wouldn't have told this SAHM to go swim laps at 5am with all the other crazy and elite lap swimmers. Who I am sure are only swimming at 5am to avoid the wannabe swimmers like me.

  Let me first say that I pretty much grew up in Florida - so in and around water. So I know how to swim but leisure swimming and lap swimming are TOTALLY different animals.  And just because I grew up swimming does not mean that I am an automatic great swimmer. I suck BIG time as I learned this morning.

  First, I should have known from the moment my swim cap split I was doomed. That should have been my sign to just pack up and head home. I tried the cap on last night with my goggles and it fit great. Today in the locker room at 5:15am in my sleepy, caffeine deprived state I ripped it with my nail. Swim cap down for the count.
  Instead I say "oh, well" and head for the pool deck and my cold shower. Upon entering the pool deck I see that all 4 lanes are filled with 1 swimmer in each, crap I am going to have to share a lane. I quickly assess the lanes:

Lane 1 = crazy man with white cap on swimming like something is after him = nope
Lane 2 = fit man who is just too physically fit to even be real = nope
Lane 3 = someones dad - just gross = nope
Lane 4 = a woman - swimming medium speed and stopping to take drinks of her water bottle = perfect

  I slip on my goggles and climb in while she is down at the other end of the lane. Now just in case you aren't swimming elites here and if you are I do not want to hear about it,  down & back in this pool is 1 lap.  My plan that I pepped myself up for was 10 laps. I know a little eager my first time out, don't fault me.

  The next 20mins, because that's all I lasted, consisted of me trying to swim, faking it - which I know wasn't going over well. I am sure the lifeguard was like "who is this lady?" and "why is she swimming laps?" And I don't even want to know what the woman sharing the lane thought of my child like strokes that kept splashing her & stirring up the water in her lane.  And my "built in cushion" - my butt - wasn't  much help today, in fact more of a hindrance. It kept me sagging down in the water and I kept hearing the song "Don't bring me down" (cant remember who sings it or any other lyrics) literally these lyrics kept ringing through my ears.  Just so you know, if I ever meet J-Lo I am going to ask her if she has ever done lap swimming because I am sure that is one area she will say having a booty did not do well for her.

  Uggh, so it wasn't the most successful lap swim. And I have the cuts on my knuckles to prove it. (I was really trying to hug the side of the pool to give my lap partner space, guess I gave her too much space) But I can say I attempted it. Guess, I will wait for my friend Kirsten to come help me, she has graciously agreed to come help train me in a few weeks. Until then I will be faking it like I mean it at the local YMCA.